remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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