I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
