Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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