Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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