Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
