His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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