I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
