based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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