I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
