The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
