I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
