Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
did i just pee glitter
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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