The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
