I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
