she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
