im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
