Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
