Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
