I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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