dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you had me at cake vodka
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
