he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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