Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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