Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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