I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
