did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
