sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
where does the pee come out of this thing
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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