so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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