I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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