I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
