i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just googled if crying burns calories
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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