I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
