I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
