It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
