....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
