Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
