Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
