Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
