But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
