i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
