Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
