$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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