Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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