That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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