She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
