She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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