My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize