he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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