I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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