Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
