he shaved USA in his pubs
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
