Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just had sex on a roof
It's rum buckets o'clock
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
