Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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