stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
