moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
my liver is dry heaving
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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