At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
