he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
