How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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