Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
