...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
