Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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