Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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