i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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