my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
