Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
