I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
