Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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