i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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