Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
