I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
