it was like his penis was on wheels.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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