Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
