3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize