Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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