she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
