you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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