i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
