we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
