I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
