A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
