Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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