i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
