??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
